Altona Lakes Golf Course

Wednesday 18th April 2012
Altona Lakes Golf Club

I'm finally caving in. I played my first ever round of golf the other day on a proper, grown up course. Sure I had messed around on short par three courses out in Dubai and enjoyed a few pitch and putt hacks back home in blighty, but this was my first real fall into the dark side.

I blame Australia. Not only for having the weather to make playing year round a possibility, but for making golf unpretentious and affordable. They have some truly great public access courses, such as this one at Altona Lakes, where a round will cost just twenty bucks. Plus, as you can tell from the photo, not only are jeans and shorts allowed, you can even wear both at the same time. Not a dress code in sight. It feels like I can finally play golf and openly admit it to my working class dad.  I'm officially coming out.


But I am still not one hundred per cent convinced whether to take it up on a more regular basis, even if I did have one or two magic moments out on the course. I have my reasons, and that includes finding the water at the seventh. And here's a few more:

1) "I've advised my friend to see a psychologist. He treats golf as if it were a game."
Golfers are so damn serious, and I'm worried I could become one of them. And that could also mean turning into an a bit of an arsehole too, since Golf Clubs seem to attract more of them than any other sport in the world.

2) "The best way to ruin a good walk."
You can't really argue with Winston Churchill can you?

3) "Just got a new set of clubs for my wife. Great trade."
You could have the diplomacy skills of the ambassador at a Ferrero Rocher function, but spending hours upon hours on the fairways is really only going to land you in trouble at home, isn't it?

4) "I am required to golf for work; I love my job"
That's just a blatant lie. I have never been asked to play golf once in a twenty year career. And even if I had, I don't love my job enough either.  

5) "There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly -- or start cheating."
It all sounds like hard work, doesn't it? And I hate being crap at anything. Although I am a good cheat.  

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WHERE I PLAYED: