Diego Maradona Moves to Dubai: 5 Reasons he will love it!

It was announced yesterday that football legend Diego Maradona will take over as manager at the Dubai based Al Wasl football club next season. At first sight, it may come as a complete shock that such a renowned figure would turn up in that Mecca of world football we know as the United Arab Emirates. But I think it's a match made in heaven. Read on ....


1) Smoking is still allowed. What better place to be for the cigar chomping Argentine. El Diego has even been pictured playing a 5 a side game while puffing away. The anti-smoking campaign hasn't exactly taken off yet in Dubai, in fact you could say its almost positively encouraged with fags at $2 a pack, and most bars and cafes still semi obscured by a thick blue haze. Apart from during Ramadan, when you can't smoke (or eat or drink) during daylight hours for a month. Bet they didn't tell you that habibi.

2) The Locals Love Trophies Not that Al Wasl will win anything other than the UAE league, the equivalent of Bury District under 15 championship. But they are unbeatable when it comes to loving and owning trophies, whether it be a shiny new Ferrari, a diamond encrusted I-Phone, or the world's largest phallic symbol. They already have one in the Burj Khalifa. They will readily worship another.

3) Censorship Rules. There is no such thing as a 'free press' in the Middle East. El Diego could go on a drug fuelled bender, then bag a host of prostitutes, all whilst dancing naked down the streets of Deira. It will be reported in the Gulf News that he spent a quiet evening of contemplation in a Bedouin camp over a sheesha with friends.

4) 'Al Wasta' baby. Best translated as 'knowing the right people' and the only sure fire way to success in the Arab world. This is what allows unqualified, and often unworthy people to hold down the top jobs.  It's never about the results, it's about who you know. That's right up Maradona's street, as he has a dreadful managerial record. I don't even have space on the blog to go into the debacles of his personal life which would be good enough reason for any self respecting Muslim state to close their borders to him.

5) Football is a Religion The locals love their football, almost as much as their faith. These are the only two things that an Arab will allow to interrupt their daily routine, with work coming a distant 36th on the list. Rumour has it that one of the more senior members of the Royal Family was very influential in getting the Deguito's $3m contract approved. He had been a little confused by The Hand of God stories, and took it all a bit too literally. Will he be disappointed or what? But not the fans, they will love the celebrity, credibility and glamour he brings to the local league. Until the stumpy one pushes the self destruct button again. Probably by the time he gets to his second Ramadan.